I admit it, I gained some weight this winter. And here I sit, it’s already summer, and I still have a few pounds to take off. I thought I’d bring some levity to the situation by sharing some of the funnier things I’ve read on diets.
“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” – Orson Wells
“Never eat more than you can lift.” – Miss Piggy
“I’ve been on a diet for two weeks, and all I’ve lost is fourteen days.” – Totie Fields
“When I buy cookies, I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won’t dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn’t taste that bad.” – Janette Barber
“I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don’t intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.” - Neil Armstrong
“My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.” – Milton Berle
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.” – Mae West
“I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.” – Dolly Parton
“If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.” – Jim Eason
“The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.” – Andy Rooney
